positive

June 13, 2012

Driving home from the store, I was second guessing having bought a pregnancy test. It was the first day of my missed period, it was probably too early to tell. Talking out loud to myself, alone in the car, "I shouldn't have bought that test, I'm not pregnant. The test is going to be negative. Why couldn't I just wait a few more days 'til I start my period? And I know we weren't trying, but how awesome would it be.... The test is going to be negative. I'm not pregnant." I had almost convinced myself to not even take the test by the time I got home. But, I had to go to the bathroom so I thought, "What the hell?!" The test immediately started to fill in the negative line. "I knew it." I threw the test on the sink and took my time getting back to it. When I looked again, just to confirm my disappointment, I saw a very faint vertical line. "No... It can't be." I frantically started to look through the instructions, that little vertical line getting darker the whole time. And in the instructions I read that it doesn't matter how faint either of the lines are. If there is even the slightest positive sign, it's positive. It's positive.... It's positive?! IT'S POSITIVE! With the test in had, I fell to my knees, laughing and crying and shaking, in total disbelief, shock, and excitement! I composed myself enough to look at the test again, starting to laugh and cry all over!

The next two and a half hours were torture. I had dropped Stephen off at work before I'd gone to the store and bought the test. So now I had to wait until I picked him up at five o'clock to tell him the news! And in the meantime, I talked to my mom and sister and couldn't say a word! I wanted Stephen to be the first to know... I passed the time taking an incredibly long shower, watching Friends, and doing the dishes. All the while sneaking peeks at the clearly positive pregnancy test on the counter. Finally, five o'clock! 

After waiting for another hour and a half outside the clinic (Stephen was busy doing his first procedure!) I brought Stephen home and sat him on the couch. I told him I had gotten him something at the store... I came out the bedroom with the test behind my back, smile on my face... I handed Stephen the test and said, "I'm pregnant!" Stephen's eyes went from my face to the test and back to my face. Shock and excitement written all over his expression! He immediately jumped up in the air, yelled and picked me up, wrapping his arms around me! We spent the next twenty minutes, screaming and crying, laughing and hugging, shaking and jumping... 

Stephen and I have talked a lot about having kids since we got married (and before!). Family is everything to us and we've always looked forward to being parents and starting our own family! But in our plans, children always came a few years down the road. We wanted to wait 'til Stephen was further into his schooling, 'til we had more money, 'til I had a different job, 'til we lived here and not there... I told him once, "I want to get pregnant on accident, when we're not trying or expecting it so we know that it's the right time. Not our time. His time." I've never been very good at waiting for God's timing; I'm an incredibly impatient person. But God didn't make me wait this time...

This was not planned, nor expected, but Stephen and I could not be more happy! We knew this could be a possibility, and now that it's a reality...?! We are thrilled! And oh, so in love with our little baby Wall!