SIX

I was prepared for five to feel big, I was prepared for it to be hard on my momma heart. And five is big - you started Kindergarten and started to do so much more on your own (namely in the bathroom - hallelujah!) But it didn't quite hit me like I was prepared for. Six, though... Six has knocked me down a bit. It's nothing in-particular. All of a sudden, you're just big! You look bigger, older. You act and talk older. And I didn't see it coming. I find myself just staring at you, in awe and wonder - how? when? why?!

For starters, you're just so dang handsome. I mean, those eyes...! And that sweet, sweet smile... You know just how to pull at my heart strings, boy.

But you're not just handsome. You've got the sweetest heart, and really, that's the most important thing. You're aware of age and so tender with the elderly and the young. You adore all animals and want to take care of them or leave them be in the wild. You're thoughtful and helpful, and you know that I appreciate those things so you're always looking for ways to love me in those ways. You're tentative and careful, observant, always calculating, and very reserved, only giving yourself to those you've deemed worthy. It is a rare and great honor to be invited into your inner circle.

You're crazy smart and crazy inquisitive - always asking, always learning, always curious. It's tiring, but so. so great! I am learning right along with you! I love watching your gears turn as you're thinking through something or listening to you process something new or recite what you've learned. You've grown a lot in school this year and are reading really well and are great at mental math! Science is our easiest subject, as you naturally gravitate toward it! Right now, you're thinking about being a scientist when you're older, or an archaeologist.

You are funny and silly and so very quirky! And honestly, a hefty does of weird! But we wouldn't have it any other way! You fit right in around here! Life with  you is just FUN!

You are constantly singing - songs about what you're currently doing, songs you've learned over the  years and now hear me singing to Judah and most often worship songs. You're always singing about Jesus and it fills my cup to hear your voice echo around the house! Maybe we are doing something right ;)
You rhyme, all the time, with made up words. You argue with me like crazy and it's gotten you your fair share of discipline. You push your sister's buttons but are simultaneously her very best friend. The two of you play pretend for hours on end!
You love the trampoline, riding your bike, swimming and climbing at the park and doing the monkey bars. You're a fast runner, too! You are a homebody, thanks to your mom, and are perfectly content to spend the day doing nothing too special, so long as we're together. It might take some coaxing, but once you're outside it's hard to bring you back in. You're an excellent hiker and are constantly building forts out of sticks, collecting berries, rocks and different kinds of pinecones. Animals and nature are your favorite things to learn about!
You love Legos - love, love love Legos! You're an incredibly talented builder and have such an imagination! I am honestly floored by the things you come up with - they're always symmetrical and realistic. It's so impressive, dude! You're talented and artistic, always drawing me scenes and pictures. Our house is littered with your papers and writing!
Blankey still goes almost every where you do, and I'm not looking forward to the day that changes. Please stay my baby forever! You still sleep with Wink, Rain and your newest favorite buddy, your cheetah Spotty. You take such good care of them.

Gosh, I could go on and on. There's so much that you know, so much that you've accomplished, so much that I'm proud of. So much that you've done and are and do! More than anything, I want you to love Jesus and love others. And at six years old, kid, you're doing a pretty good job of it. It's a learning curve, for both of us, but damn, this is fun. We feel so blessed that you've been given to us - we are so lucky! You are simply just great - every last (not so) little bit of you.

We love you Uriah Michael!

What is your favorite color? "Purple! You know that!"

What is your favorite food? "Uh pizza! And quesadilla and macaroni"

What is your favorite game? "Um, maybe Exploding Kittens"

What is your favorite animal? "A cheetah and a peregrine falcon"

What is your favorite song? "Rock You Like a Hurricane by The Scorpions" Well that was specific...! Haha!)

Who is your best friend? "Ramsey and Paxton and Chapman"

What is your favorite thing to do outside? "Look for bugs and jump on the trampoline"

What is your favorite holiday? "Christmas!"

Who is your favorite stuffed animal? "Spotty" (One of his only specific requests for Christmas was a stuffed animal cheetah. Meet, Spotty!)

What do you want to be when you grow up? "Scientist, archeologist, um, I don't really know" (I would add doctor or engineer or architect to that list) 

What is your favorite thing to do with daddy? "Play Legos"

What is your favorite thing to do with mommy? "My favorite thing to do with mom is... that's hard. Maybe read books" (Well aren't I a hoot...)

What is your favorite thing to do with Ezra? "Maybe jump"

What is your favorite thing to do with Judah? "My favorite thing to do with Judah is sorta just play"

What is your favorite movie? "Harry Potter, the second"

Who is your favorite superhero? "Um... Black Widow" (We haven't been into superheros much lately... I think he said this just for the name)

Who is your favorite princess? "Oh my gosh... Rapunzel" (I didn't ask, but I'm guessing because of her hair!)

What is your favorite book? "Harry Potter the third"

What is your favorite thing to play with? "Legos"

What do you do really well? "Build Legos" (So much more I would add to that!)

What do you like to learn about? "Snakes and reptiles and bugs"

What makes you happy? "When you help me" (I asked him "with what" and he just said anything. Funny thing is, letting him help me is his love language)

What makes you sad? "When I bonk my head" (Uriah has always been my most sensitive one when it comes to getting hurt. I wasn't surprised by this response at all!)

Uriah at FIVE

Uriah. Where do I start? Five years with Uriah has been wonderful. Exhausting, no doubt, but wonderful. He is intelligent beyond his years, inquisitive, very thoughtful and aware of situations, silly, always moving, quirky and so tender-hearted. He weighs a whopping 48 pounds and is just shy of 4 feet tall (the 88th and 93%tile). He is attached at the hip to his blankey and his baby sister, though he'd be hesitant to admit the latter, he would be bored to tears without Ezra to spend his days with. He sings, all. the. time. Mostly about what it is he's doing or worshiping Jesus and it's absolutely one of my favorite things about him. He adores Judah to no end. His brain is always creating and though I despise the yarn and tape left all over the floor of our house, I love seeing his creations and listening to him describe them. He is stubborn. He loves Star Wars, "boy time", getting any kind of treat for any reason whatsoever, has an outrageous imagination, takes f o r e v e rrr to explain things, says "like" far too often and can officially run faster than me. He is learning to read and could listen to us read books all day long. For as much as he loves being outside and playing with his friends, he's a major homebody. He rhymes - all the things, all the time - makes up silly names and sounds and does everything in a volume two octaves too high. He loves to explore and adventure and some of my favorite memories from our fifth year together have occurred outside. He is passionate - in the sweetest, most loving way - but throws just as much passion into his disobedience. He is a force to reckon with and I pray thanks to God every day for giving me such a boy.  

What is your favorite color? Purple (said with a laugh because that is something that will never change and something everyone knows about him)

What is your favorite food? Pizza! and chocolate cake for dessert (three years running now his birthday dinner request has been pepperoni pizza with chocolate cake with purple frosting for dessert!) 

What is your favorite TV show? Wild Kratts (He doesn't watch much TV, outside of our Friday Pizza Movie Night he maybe watches one tv show every two weeks...? Wild Kratts and Planet Earth are usually what I will let him choose from)

What is your favorite game? The matching game (We've had a Noah's Ark matching game for years and he and Ezra have just recently gotten it out again and it's become our pre-bedtime game as of late!)

What is your favorite animal? A cheetah, or all the big cats (I genuinely didn't know what he would say for this - he loves all animals and learning about them and imitating them. It seems there is a new favorite every week!)

What is your favorite song? "My song" (Also known as, 'You'll be in my Heart' from Tarzan. I've been singing it to him since he was born!)

Who is your best friend? Paxton (I hope he always remembers Paxton as his first best friend! These two are so cute together and I hate to think about moving away in June! Uriah celebrated his fifth birthday with his first sleepover with Paxton!)

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play with you guys like at a park (Oh thanks, Uriah! Haha! He loves being outside - running, hiking, playing on a playground, playing soccer, exploring the woods... You name it!)

What is your favorite holiday? Christmas and Halloween (Because of the presents and candy, of course!)

Who is your favorite stuffed animal? Finn and Cougar Kitty (Finn is a great white shark he got for Christmas and Cougar Kitty was passed down from Nana to me to Uriah. I hate that he didn't say Wink, his stuffed penguin that he used to drag everywhere, but at least he still needs his blankey!)

What do you want to be when you grow up? Maybe a doctor or a fireman (Honestly I think Uriah would make a great engineer or architect. We shall see!) 

What is your favorite thing to do with daddy? Fight on the bed (Always!)

What is your favorite thing to do with mommy? Read books (Clearly, I'm not as fun as dad ;))

What is your favorite thing to do with Ezra? Play with her. Maybe fighting on the bed with her. (He is so sweet when it comes to "fighting" with Ezra. He lets her take him down and acts like her punches carry more weight than they really do. One of these days she's really going to be able to take him - he better watch out!) 

What is your favorite movie? Star Wars. The one with the four legged walkers. Episode five. (Star Wars is a pretty big thing right now in this house! He is currently playing out a scene with his Legos as I type this!)

Who is your favorite superhero? I think, Batman (He has sort of phased out of superheros when Star Wars was introduced, but he'll still gravitate toward those books at the library and occasionally don a costume around the house) 

What is your favorite book? Star Wars, but we don't own one so my favorite book that we own is The Book with no Pictures. (We went on a date while I was pregnant with Judah, just a week before my due date, to get in some one on one time before baby showed up. We went to Barnes and Noble with Jamba Juice in hand and sat and read ALL the books. I told him at the end of our date that he could pick out one book to take home. He debated between a Star Wars book and The Book with no Pictures before choosing the latter. I like to think that maybe that day plays a role in choosing it as his favorite book.)

What is your favorite thing to play with? Legos (This kid is insanely talented and creative when it comes to building Legos! I'm always so impressed with what he comes up with!)

What do you do really well? Build with Legos. So maybe just all creating. (He is good at building with Legos, but he is also really good at creating in general. He is always coming up with different "projects" - things he creates out of art supplies or out on the porch with sticks, rocks and mud. He can explain it all and has very intricate plans. He has quite the brain, that one!)

What do you like to learn about? Rocks and the Earth and all nature so animals and plants too. (So true! He is always wanted to check out books from the library about dirt and rocks and volcanoes and every kind of animal... He is crazy inquisitive and crazy smart!)

What makes you happy? When someone laughs. I like making people laugh. Or when Ezra says something silly and I laugh. (And he's got the best laugh! His current sense of humor is typical little boy humor, and I find myself rolling my eyes a lot at the things he thinks are funny, but I will never tire of hearing his laugh!)

What makes you sad? When I get hurt (No surprise with this answer - Uriah is as sensitive as they come, physically and emotionally. Really though, I think it is a strength of his and I pray that he continues to have a sensitive heart as he grows.)

Uriah, at four

Uriah at four, rhymes. All day long his response to our questions is "ok bay". When referring to his sister it's "Ezra bezra". "Mom bomb, Dad sad, no bo, airplane bearplane, gopher peepofer..." Literally, everything. 

He also sings - it's always made up songs about what he's doing, the toy he's playing with or simply just made up songs with made up words (that rhyme!) 

He has the best facial expressions and hand gestures, especially when he's excited about something, telling a story or explaining something he did or learned. 

He could play with Legos all. day. long. 

He is 3' 6.5", in the 90%ile for height and weighs 42.5 lbs, in the 91%ile for weight. 

He has a huge interest in all things science and I know that his curiosity and zest for learning will take him far. 

He loves repetitive pretend play, usually something along the lines of "Ok, you pretend you don't know this airplane is here and then it makes a sound and you say, 'what?! I didn't know that airplane was here!' K? Are you ready?" and then we do it over and over and over again ;) 

He could sit in our laps and read every book in the bookshelf and then would flip through them all over again by himself - he's a book worm and I love it! 

Superheroes, Ninja Turtles and Dinotrux are all the rage. 

But that sweet, sensitive side of him has a large collection of special stuffed animals in his bed and his blankey is never too far from sight. (Though since turning four, he no longer takes it to church or friends' houses. It just sorta happened one day and I didn't catch on until it had happened several times in a row. I shed a tear for that stage and realized just how quickly time is passing. Something I thought for sure was so far off happened without me even realizing. One more thing that makes him less of a toddler and more of little boy.) 

He loves riding his bike, playing at the park and going swimming. 

He's a homebody and can throw a pretty good fit about leaving the house. 

He likes playing games and can even hold his own in a full game of Stratego. 

He wakes up at the crack of dawn every. single. morning. 

He always remembers his vitamin and gets so excited to see what animal and color he got (just a little morning scene I want to remember). 

He loves building forts, playing hide and go seek and playing chase and tickle. 

His mad face (squinty eyes and a pouty lip with upturned chin) and stance (arms pushed back with his chest puffed out) often comes with a foot stomp and while it's not at all acceptable, is very comical. 

He loves the idea of being "taller than daddy someday" and will show his muscles off to anyone who asks (convincing him his muscles are getting bigger is the only way we can get him to eat his meat). 

His favorite thing to wear is his "cozy pants". 

He has a special smiles reserved for loved ones and baby animals (real and stuffed!) It breaks my heart and fills me with happiness and pride all at once! 

Sometimes, when Ezra is sad, he will get down on her level and try explaining things to her in a different way, with his sweet voice he uses for little ones, and does all he can to make her happy. 

He's painstakingly shy toward adults he doesn't know and he always covers his eyes with one arm, tilts his head away and twists his lips around when they try to talk to him. It drives me nuts! 

He takes almost a two hour nap every day. 

He extends his hands at the dinner table to pray as soon as Stephen and I sit down. 

His aim is terrible and I am always cleaning pee up from his toilet and bathroom floor. 

His voice is constantly one decibel higher than it should be. 

In three words my Uriah is silly, sweet and stubborn.  

What is your favorite color? Purple (This response never changes - purple has been his favorite color since he was one!)

What is your favorite food? Strawberries and pizza (Just as I suspected! This is what he requested for dinner on his birthday, followed by "chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles with chocolate ice cream ...with chocolate sprinkles!")

What is your favorite TV show? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (This is a new favorite - both my kiddos are currently obsessed, thanks to a hand-me-down shirt from a friend. Prior to this popular Ninja Turtles stage, I would have said Wild Krats was his favorite show)

What is your favorite game? Candy Land (We used to play this game quite a bit, though I would have guessed he'd say Hoot Owl Hoot, his new game for Christmas, or Spot It, a matching card game)

What is your favorite animal? A hippo (He's loved hippos since seeing one at the San Fransisco zoo last year. He wanted to spend his fourth birthday at the zoo and it was the first time we got to see the hippo actually out of the water - best birthday present ever!)

What is your favorite song? Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (Really was not expecting him to say that...?!)

Who is your best friend? Paxton (We met the Appels last spring, just as Paxton was turning 4 himself. The two immediately hit if off and have been buddies ever since!)

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Ride my bike (I assumed it would be this or running (man that kid is fast!) Uriah learned to ride his pedal bike without training wheels at the end of the summer and for his fourth birthday, got a bigger "four year old bike")

What is your favorite holiday? Easter and Halloween, because there's candy! (I'm a little embarrassed that that is his reasoning...! I assumed it would be Christmas! Though last year's answer will always be my favorite: "Ice Cream Thursday")

Who is your favorite stuffed animal? Pokey (Pokey is a small gorilla stuffed animal with a red bowtie. He was my Papa's and my mom recently sent him to Uriah to be looked after. His bed is full of stuffed animals, and Pokey has been a top contender as favorite since he got him, but his other usuals are Wink the penguin, Boy the golden retriever, Rain the snow leopard, Cougar Kitty and Edna the hippo)

What do you want to be when you grow up? A fire fighter. With a purple fire truck! (He always said he wants to be a fire fighter, though the purple fire truck is a recent necessity ;) He's talked about being a doctor before, too, or a police man, but mostly he answers that question with an "I don't know!" maybe hoping to just live in mom's basement forever ;)

What is your favorite thing to do with daddy? Play with him and fight on the bed (Dad is the best at play time! The kids light up when they see him walk through the door and immediately request he join them in whatever their current activity. It's almost a guarantee that the boys will fight on the bed at least once a day that Stephen is home! Uriah's punches are almost getting to be too much!)

What is your favorite thing to do with mommy? Play Manga Tiles (My attention span for repetitive play is much shorter than his, so we find ourselves building a lot, Legos and Manga Tiles, and playing card games and reading books. I love that, for the time being, he loves to play with his momma!)

What is your favorite thing to do with Ezra? I like to tickle her and fight on the bed with her (Occasionally, the two of them will get up on our bed, Ezra with my help, and they will fight - aka, Uriah will let her punch him and he'll pretend it knocked him down making a big show of it and she will laugh and laugh and laugh and then he'll tell her she has big muscles and she'll show them off to him and maybe even let him gently pull her leg so she falls on the pillows and then he'll tickle her and come to tell me how gentle they're being with each other and how much fun they're having and it melts my heart every, single, time....! They often like to play "run around" together, too - they'll clean up the living room, set one object in the center and simply, run around it! Nothing gets them laughing harder)

What is your favorite movie? Narnia (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, to be exact! We watched it as a family on Christmas Eve (after seeing the play done at the children's theatre earlier in the month) and he was fascinated!)

Who is your favorite superhero? The flash (Batman and Iron Man are also top contenders, but ever since he got a Flash cape and mask for Christmas, he runs around our house at top speed asking if he saw that blur of red go by)

What is your favorite book? The Dinosaur one (aka, The Good Dinosaur. It's a recent library find and not at all what I was expecting him to say. He didn't particularly care for the movie when we watched it last year - he found it sad and a little scary (as did I!). I would have thought he'd say The Magic Tree House books, his current read: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, a current library rental: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mean vs. Green or the Elephant and Piggie books.)

What is your favorite thing to play with? DinoTrux. I like to build houses for them with Magna Tiles (It's true, he does! Those little figurines could have been the only thing he got for his birthday and he would have been completely satisfied. He had three and has been content playing with the two new ones he got at Christmas time and now that his collection is complete, he's thrilled! It's a Netflix show that he only has ever seen at Nana's (because we don't have Netflix) so I'm not entirely sure why/where the obsession comes from, but it has created a lot of imaginative and independent play so I'm all for it!)

What do you do really well? Head stands, fighting on the bed with dad and building Legos (I'd like to add running to that list, being a big brother, building with Magna Tiles and biking!)

What do you like to learn about? Science (I'm so glad this was his answer because it's so true! We've read through two of our science books for the year weeks ahead of schedule because he gets so intrigued! We often read National Geographic books from the library because something has sparked his interest and he wants to learn more about it.

What makes you happy? You guys (Oh, my, GOSH! Sweetest answer, EVER! And there was no prompting to it! What a sweet heart!)

What makes you sad? When I'm hurt (I sorta feel bad admitting it, but Uriah is a bit of a baby when it comes to getting hurt ...oops! He tends to make a big deal about it and drag it out much longer than necessary. Like, days later, that now invisible scrape he got on his knee still makes him cry and is the reason he won't take a bath... (insert eye roll) When he is truly hurt, though, truly sad, oh does it break my heart...!)

Uriah, at three

I asked Uriah the following questions on February 1, 2016, the day after he turned three years old. I wanted to include these in a full on Uriah update, but where would I even start? He's so big, so smart, so silly, so fun, so quirky, so independent, so inquisitive, so sweet, so intense, so... wonderful. How would I put all that into words? He's so very unique and special and more than wanting to share that with all of you, I want to be able to remember it - that's why these posts are so important to me. Already I've gone back to read his baby updates and compare them to Ezra's. I want to be able to do that with Uriah at three, too. But how?! How do I put into words all that makes up my three year old boy? He is truly unlike any other. And I am proud of that, of him. He's tiring and disobedient and annoying and mean and very much three but I'm proud of all that, too. He's learning and growing and changing and it's all so good! My thoughts and feelings toward him are a jumble every night - caught somewhere between happy, proud, loved, desperate and annoyed. So, future Allison, reading this as Ezra turns three, remember the face he makes when he tries to put lines in his forehead. The way he asks you to receptively act like "you hear somepin and not know what it is, ok?". His furrowed eyebrow, teeth gritting, clenched fist face that he makes when Ezra invades his space. The way his hair feels between your fingers when he asks you to play with it as he falls asleep. Remember the way he looks at Stephen at the dinner table and gently rubs his arm to express his contentedness. The way he always hides under the covers when playing hide and go seek. Always. How everything he makes out of Legos ends up being a fighter jet. And is made of all one color. Remember the way he politely and quietly rubs your arm when he wakes you up in the middle of the night. The way he yells and grunts in anger in his time out. The way he refuses to put on his own underwear even though he knows how. Remember the way he lights up at seeing a firetruck, every single time. His laugh when you tickle that spot in his armpit. His pride and embarrassment when he tells you something he learned. The way he strips down in the hallway and sneaks his way into your shower because heaven forbid he be away from you for ten minutes. Remember his sleeping face, his genuine smile, his sparkling eyes, his innocent wonder and his keen interest. He is so very wonderful.



What is your favorite color? Purple (has been since he learned his colors at 15 months old!)

What is your favorite food? String Cheese (Stephen and his brothers used to argue over who was "cheese man" in their house - aka, who put more cheese on their food. Uriah has learned this and refers to Stephen as Cheese Man and himself as Cheese Boy.)

What is your favorite TV show? Wild Krats (we don't own a tv or have a Netflix account, so Uriah watches PBS shows on the laptop. A strong contender for this would have been Dinosaur Train!)

What is your favorite game? Slap Jack (Uriah loves card games - Go Fish, Spot It, War... I'm so glad we taught these to him early, as it has helped him learn numbers, shapes, reflexes, dexterity... but also because it makes for fun family game nights! With popcorn, of course!)

What is your favorite animal? Bee (this started when the boys would get done swimming in the summer - Stephen and Uriah would snuggle up in their towels in the sun and Stephen would ask Uriah what he wanted to talk about as they dried off. They saw a bee fly by, Stephen taught him everything he knew about bees and it is still Uriah's topic of choice to this day! "Let's talk about bees")

What is your favorite song? Juicy Wiggle (an inappropriate song Stephen introduced Uriah to that has the best dancing beat! It sounds like it might be a children's song, but it is in fact, not.)

Who is your best friend? Ben (our neighbor across the courtyard, though I was expecting him to say his dad, his cousin Harper, or maybe even me...?!)

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play with Baba (while he does love to play outside with Baba!, she was visiting at the time and I think was able to sway his answer a little ;) Had I asked these questions prior to her visit, I would have expected him to say racing dad or playing at "the little park")

What is your favorite holiday? Ice Cream Thursday (I kid you not, this was his true, unprompted response. A kid after my own heart!)

Who is your favorite stuffed animal? Boy (his golden retriever dog that Nana got him from a long trip to Ikea when we first moved here. Boy and Wink accompany him on all his big trips and every night in bed)

What do you want to be when you grow up? A fireman (while he likes to play doctor - going off to work with a backpack and a kiss from mom - this has been his constant answer for quite sometime!)

What is your favorite thing to do with daddy? Snuggle (sweet, right?!)

What is your favorite thing to do with mommy? Play games (though my favorite thing to do with Uriah is snuggle!)

What is your favorite thing to do with Ezra? Play chase! (this answer really did have an exclamation point at the end! This was right when Ezra was crawling fast, but before she could walk. He would run into the other room and call her name until she peeked around the corner, laughing all the way. He would light up and take off running again, sending her into another laughing fit. I could have watched them do this for hours!)

What is your favorite movie? Dragons (aka, How to Train your Dragon, part 2 which he hasn't seen in months...?! He rarely watches actual movies, but I would have guessed Planes, Fire and Rescue would have been his favorite)

Who is your favorite superhero? Spider Man (Spider Man is new around here, and new is always pretty special, but prior to Spider Man, and maybe now tied with Spider Man (or ahead of, depending on the day) would be Iron Man. His first superhero anything was Iron Man, he repeatedly watched the movie trailers with Stephen, chose to be Iron Man for Halloween and can sing his theme song - "I am Iron Man, da da da da da da da da na na na...")

What is your favorite book? Spider Man (the three story Spider Man Little Golden Book we had just borrowed from the library. If this one wasn't fresh in his mind I would have guessed he'd say If You Give a Moose a Muffin, The Bible or the dinosaur book Ezra "got him" when she was born)

What is your favorite thing to play with? Legos (Stephen saves his childhood Legos and introduced them to Uriah around the time Ezra was born. His interest and skill has really taken off these last few months and Legos are now on every wish list and an everyday activity!)

I asked him the following questions as well, but he wasn't in the mood to answer any more of my questions, or maybe didn't quite understand them well enough to give a good or honest answer. I'll keep them in my list for next year, though, and see what he comes up with!

What do you do really well:
What do you like to learn about:
What makes you happy:
What makes you sad:

three years

As soon as you get pregnant, everyone has their piece of advice to share. Asked upon or not, you are now the student and they the teacher (though some think expert) and their wisdom is something you need to be imparted with - cloth diapering vs. using disposable, wood toys vs. plastic toys, breastfed vs. bottle fed, wearing your baby vs. using a stroller... So on and so forth until your head spins and you actually consider smacking the old lady in the grocery store who thought it appropriate to give you her two cents in regards to your large, heavy belly and the already daunting task of motherhood.

The one common denominator, though, the one piece of advice everyone will agree upon is "that it goes by so fast."

They all say it. The ones with the three month old and the ones with the thirty year old. "It goes by so fast."

And it does, yes. I can attest to this. With a three year old and a ten month old, I know it to be true. So much of my day is spent looking at these beautiful, growing babies wondering how on earth did we get here? Here! How do I have a three year old and a ten month old? How? When?

But when Uriah turned three, the overwhelming feeling wasn't that of swiftness and fleeting moments and both awe and disproval at the passing of time. Everyone claims that "it feels like just yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital..."

But I'm calling bullshit.

Surely, they're all lying. Or at least fifty percent. Maybe thirty? Either someone's lying or, for the first time in three years, I've reached a stage in motherhood that I am alone in.

When Uriah turned three I didn't find myself feeling like it was just yesterday I brought him home from the hospital. No. When Uriah turned three it felt like it had been three years since I brought him home from the hospital. Maybe even longer. Is that possible? It didn't feel like yesterday. I could remember that day, and I loved that day and long for those first hours again, but I looked at my growing boy and felt the weight of those three years. They did not pass by unnoticed. They did not disappear. They were there. Each long day, each laugh, each adventure, each milestone, each timeout, all the guilt, all the tears, all the joy, all of it. It felt like it had been three years. Three long, hard, exhausting, wonderful years.

But that just added to that awful, famous mom guilt - If time flies when you're having fun, was I not having fun? Should I have enjoyed it more? Is it even possible to have enjoyed it more than I did? Am I a bad mom for admitting that those three years were hard? Long? Am I really supposed to feel like it was just yesterday?

There are days Uriah probably thinks my entire job as a mom is to ruin all his fun - make him clean up the Legos, take a nap, go to the bathroom, wear pants, eat his meat (gosh, mom's so mean) - and days he's ready to hang a medal around my neck before bed because I put two chocolate chips on his plate at lunch, skipped grocery shopping to spend hours at the park, read one extra book before nap and let him splash in the bathtub after dinner.

See, he has good days and bad days and so do I - we're sorta figuring this thing out together. I was born the same time he was, in a sense. I'm teaching him and he's teaching me. We're new at this - it's only been three years, after all - but I think we're doing a pretty great job.

Because all of that stuff, the nagging and the discipling and the monotony and the silliness and the messes and the adventures and the games and the smiles and the love... It all makes for a really full, hard, long, wonderful three years. And maybe it's ok that I see all that when I look at my three year old. Maybe I'm the lucky one, to feel such a heaviness on my heart when I see his bright blue eyes sparkle in my direction. I've been looking into those beautiful eyes for three years and not one of those days has been lost on me. Good, bad, long, hard, easy, fun, wonderful...

It feels like I brought Uriah home from the hospital three years ago.

It's already been three years?

It's only been three years?

It's been a good three years.

it won't always be this way

I wish I could tell him that it won’t always be this way. 

She won't always think you hung the moon. She won't always want to do whatever you're doing, go wherever you go. She won't always look at you with awe and wonder, smile and laugh at every silly little thing you do. She won't always enjoy your singing.

She won't always want to play with your toys or being so willing to share her own. She won't always be this little, little enough for you to hold her or knock her over. 

No one will ever pay this much attention to you - think you’re this cool, this important, this exciting. 

One day she'll turn her cheek to your kisses, fold her arms at your hugs. She'll walk away with her toy, tattle to mom or send a punch right back. She'll roll her eyes at your stories and laugh at your dance moves. 

I wish I could tell you this, as you yell at her, "no!", push her aside or leave her behind. I wish I could make you see and feel her love and desire toward you, to be with you. She's just a baby. And it won't always be this way. 

But then I think maybe I need to know and understand this just as much as you do. 

It won't always be this way. 

You won't always follow me to the bathroom simply because you enjoy my company. You won't always ask so many questions or tell me so many stories. You won't always want to sit in my lap, fit in it, either. You won't always want to hold my hand or ride my back. You won't always fall asleep in my arms or request bedtime songs. You won't always think I'm funny or smart. You won't always cry when I drop you off at church. 

One day you will be embarrassed by my dance moves and public kisses. You'll discover Google and learn that maybe mom's not so smart and you'll stop asking questions. You'll talk more to your friends and shut the door on my face. You'll be too big for my lap. You will jump out the car at school with no need for an escort, without so much as a goodbye. 

I wish I could remember this as I ask you to wait, tell you, "not now". You're just a little boy. And it won't always be this way. 

heart strings

We were out for a walk like normal - an evening attempt at getting every last one of his wiggles out before bedtime. We came across a circular stage, elevated by just a couple steps wrapping around its perimeter. He asked to run the circle and I let him, standing on the side with Ezra in the stroller watching him go, watching him run away from me. But it was more than that. I wasn't just watching him go, I could feel it - tugging. He's attached to my heart with strings. They were pulling, like a rubber band. I could feel them stretching, getting thinner. How far can he run before they snap?

And not just literally. When he starts school. When he moves out of the house. When he gets married. Those strings are going to break, snap. And while one end is going to propel him further in the opposite direction, away from me, the other end is going to fly back and slap me. It's going to knock me over. And it's going to hurt like hell.

But maybe the joy of seeing him run, being pushed forward by the freedom of "no strings attached", will be enough to make me smile. Maybe. Or maybe it will just sting all the more, witnessing the fear that he doesn't need me the way he used to come to life.

But for now, he still needs me. For now, those strings are still attached. When he fell running on the other side of the circle, it was me he cried out for, pulling on those strings to bring us back together.

I hope he always knows that those strings have a home tied to my heart - that whenever he calls, I will come running. Whenever those strings snap and whatever causes them to snap... well, we're just going to have to learn to tie knots.

"I just two"

You are two. If I tell you you're two and a half, you correct me and say, "no momma, I just two." And I'm ok with pretending you're not any closer to turning three, so we're on the same page.

The list of things you know and understand these days would take me forever to type out and I don't know that blogger can even hold such a long post (it can, of course, but I'm using exaggeration to brag, but only slightly because honestly, you're really freaking smart). You know your colors, shapes, numbers (because I don't want to forget: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 18) alphabet (also worth remembering: A, B, C, E, Q, R, S, 2, V, V, W, Y, Z) all the animals (yes, literally, all) and their appropriate noises, all the best superheroes, the ingredients for pancakes and smoothies, every sport in the book, plus the random stuff dad teaches you like, eggs have protein in them and you can only see it with a microscope but it helps you grow and get big and strong. We like to teach you the important things.

You are adding new words to your vocabulary every day and to think of you just six months ago, it blows my mind how much you've learned so quickly. You are constantly amazing me with your thought process - going through multiple thoughts/ideas, continuing them out in long sentences, using time frames and cause and effect... I so often forget that I'm talking to my toddler when I find myself talking about such ordinary, "adult" or advanced things. Like, I'm pretty sure you're the only two year old I know that could explain, in depth, the life of a honey bee and the dynamics of the hive. You're just so curious! And you ask SO MANY QUESTIONS! (Every toddler mom just gave me a virtual high five) It never ends. "Why does green mean go", "what is that building for", "why do cars get in car crashes", "why do grizzly bears have humps on their backs", "why did you and dad get married" ...it is NON STOP, kid. I can only answer your questions legitimately for so long before I give up and reply with a solid "because!" or "because that's the way God made it". It's crazy what you take in, understand and remember, though. I'll answer your questions honestly and as scientifically as I can (though more often than not I say we should probably just ask dad) and though in the moment I feel like I'm just answering your question in hopes of making you be quiet (!!!), you're learning. And I am so very proud of all that you know and your innate interest to learn - you're such an inquisitive, curious, smart kid, Uriah, and it is a joy (an exhausting joy!) to be the one to teach you these things and to witness your mind grow and expand.

You currently love: playing! If I ever ask you, "Hey Uriah, what do you want to do today?" you always respond with, "play!" And what a great answer! Go-fish is your first choice every time, followed closely by "hide the superheroes". You like to play slapjack, hide-n-seek, Legos (you feel pretty cool that dad "gave" you all his old Lego sets from when he was a "kid"), planes and firetrucks (you're really into firetrucks right now - every time you hear a siren, "mom I think it's a firetruck!) and blocks (aka, I build aliens out of blocks and you come out and shoot them). You love fighting on the bed with dad, flying his helicopter with him, making popcorn with him... basically, anything with dad! You told me this morning, "I like going on little walks to the park with dad best". You are always asking to be tickled and/or chased. You are reeeaallly into "pretend" and I love watching your imagination work! Dinosaurs are still a big hit with you and your dino knowledge is seriously impressive! T-rex is your favorite, but you know so many of them (their actual scientific names!) and what they eat and what they do. You love swimming, playing at the beach (though heaven forbid the water touches your foot), going to the park and every kind of ball!

You love helping us in the kitchen and I've discovered you eat so much better if you help prepare the meal, but trying to get you to eat anything other than bread and cheese is still pretty difficult! You will take one bite of your meat and declare "really yummy!" but will refuse to eat any more. Same goes for anything green. You always ask us before taking a bite of anything new, "really good?" (said with a scrunched nose and squinty eyes). You then have to repeat it a few times as if you're trying to talk yourself in to it. Gosh I just wish you'd eat what we give you but man is it cute!

You're a huge dude. You were 37 pounds at two, so I'm guessing you're nearing 40 (!!!). You're over three feet tall, too, and according to you, a couple inches taller after every nap (you walk out of your room showing off your muscles to prove that you slept (because we tell you you'll only get bigger while sleeping!)) You're wearing 3-4T clothes and are hanging on to those wrist and thigh creases - barely! You are potty trained (!!!) and sleeping in a big boy bed (though we are still working on getting you to sleep through the night! Take a page out of your sister's book, will 'ya?!)

Though I knew there was no way to avoid it with me being your mom and your dad being your dad, it still catches me off guard just how weird you are! You are so silly and goofy and have so many quirks! And they might just be my favorite things about you! Like the way you walk around the house shaking/shimmying your arms and shoulders. Your dance face! The private rock concerts we get with your pillow guitar. The way you squint your eyes and whisper when you're suggesting we eat something like ice cream or popcorn. The way you "flash" your fingers when you're excitedly trying to tell me something but can't get the words out fast enough, like you are on the verge of bursting!

You take blankey with you everywhere and often say, as you're squeezing him in your arms, "I hold blankey so tight, I love blankey so much". You say "I love you, too" when someone says it to you, give out "biiiiiig kisses", worry when I cry and soothe your sister when she fusses. Your sweet, loving spirit is so infectious!

Everything is still new to you and I can't imagine how exciting and fun that would be, but also intimidating, scary and frustrating. So I get it. On the long, hard days - I get it. You have so much to process and learn and take in and feel and only know so many ways to expel that energy and communicate your feelings. People call it the "terrible twos", you know. And it has been hard, but the thing is, there's some "hard" in every age/stage. So it's not that the twos are terrible, not exclusively. They're tiring. Mentally, physically and emotionally tiring. For both of us. So, I get it.

And it's not just the bad days. Yes, the unsolicited crying and the screaming and the endless disobedience and the horrific public displays of "I hate my life and my mom" (thanks for those, by the way) are tiring, but the running and the laughing and the chasing and the tickling and the games and the toys and the smiles... It is all SO GOOD, but it's also so tiring, too. Your energy level never ends. Even as you're laying down for bed at night you're flopping around under the covers! But man, I wouldn't trade this. Any of it. And I would do it again and again, over and over. Being your momma and staying home with you has been a true gift, an absolute joy and a major blessing.

When I ask you what you want to be when you grow up you say, "like dad". And I truly hope you are, son. I pray that you are a honorable, humble, loving man of God. I pray so much for you and your life - so much happiness and safety and health and fun and adventure... But more than anything I pray that you know you are loved by Jesus and not just know about Him but know Him. God gave us the best gift when we gave us you and I thank Him for you every day - for your sweet, spirited soul.

TWO babies!

Every once in a while it hits me that I have two babies... TWO babies! I'll catch myself saying it out, as if to convince myself that its really true, in honest disbelieve and excitement. One day, while Ezra was sitting in my lap, Uriah crawled onto my other knee and said, "Momma! TWO babies!" And my heart melted right there on the floor.