Thursday, October 2, 2014

weeks 3 - 13

I started having symptoms just one week after, well, the deed. I knew they could show up that early, but they didn't last time around and they didn't with anyone else I knew so I didn't know what to think about it. I had hopes, but just assumed they were far too high to be real. I found out I was pregnant early - 4 days before my missed period at exactly 3 weeks along. I had been tired, getting light headed so easily, was peeing all the time and had the occasional headache and yucky tummy morning, which all continued after I found out, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

Right at 4 weeks, 2 days the sickness hit. Trying to fall asleep in the yurt with my dad in the Tetons, I laid there trying to decide if I needed to go outside. Was I going to get sick? I finally fell asleep but woke up with the same feelings. I couldn't stomach anything for breakfast. Poptarts sounded good but one bite was far too much. I couldn't even look at the smoothie I had wanted the day before. I was determined to still go on the hike, so I took some food with me and just hiked through the pain. I was already getting light headed and the steep slope of the hill didn't help. It was hot and I was getting tired so easily. It was taking us forever and I was constantly stopping, thinking (sorta hoping) I was going to throw up. I still hadn't eaten anything.

A little less than half way up the mountain, my dad, who had been so sweet the trip up, told me genuinely that it would be ok if I needed to turn around and asked if I wanted to - I lost it. I just started crying. I felt so bad making my dad turn around on the hike he looked forward to every year, but I just couldn't do it anymore. It took us forever to make it back down the hill, and I tried to sleep it off in the yurt before hitting the road, but I just couldn't shake it. I was finally able to stomach a piece of bread, making me feel better, for a whole half hour.

And, the sickness stayed. From that day until about week 8, I was sick. It would strike at any point in the day, or be there from dusk 'til dawn. It was completely unpredictable and completely unwelcome. Uriah watched a lot of movies in the month of August. A lot. Most days I was couch bound, barley keeping my eyes open, lucky to eat anything all day. I was a terrible mother and I'm sure, a very hard wife to live with. I was't able to take care of either of my boys, both who needed me.

It was hard, guys. Physically and emotionally. I was trying so hard to be excited about being pregnant, but the sickness kept bringing me down. Not to say every moment was bad - I had a few spurts of energy here and there and despite the sickness bringing me down, I was still exited about being pregnant. It was just so different than when I was pregnant with Uriah. I was sick with him, but it always hit at 6 at night. I'd get a little yucky feeling and nothing would sound good to eat and I'd get tired, but a nap would usually work - I could just sleep it off. It was very rare that I woke up and/or went to bed, sick. And while I know each woman and baby and pregnancy is different, I couldn't help but wonder if this difference means It's a girl, or twins...?! (Stephen and I really did consider twins there for a while. I was so sick! But the ultrasound confirmed just the one babe) Probably not, though. It's going to be a boy, because, well, because it's a Wall ;)

Once week 8 hit, though, I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was still sick, but less often and less severe. I started to have more spurts of energy that would last longer. I was finally able to take Uriah to the park by myself and we stayed for over an hour! Granted, the park was only a block away and I sat almost the entire time we were there. But, still... More and more foods were making their way back into my diet and I gotta say, I didn't miss the Saltines and rice cakes one bit!

Weeks 8 through 11 were come and go. Somedays were great and somedays were just like 4 weeks, 2 days - not at all great. Once I started to feel sick less often, I was just exhausted all. the. time. Lucky for me, Uriah clung to his second nap until around 10 weeks, so I had time to very slowly work on my to-do list and sleep. Since, I have been getting sick (usually) just in the evenings. I've been sleeping on a mound of pillows because laying flat makes me feel like throw up is rising in my throat. Nice, huh? I wake up sickness free, though, and make it through most days without a nap, so I should probably stop complaining now ;)

Honestly, It has been fairly close to miserable. And I'm sure Stephen can testify to that ;) But even during my yuckiest hours, I am so happy to be experiencing this all over again. I shared way too many complaints and wined and moaned and I'm sure exaggerated, but I know that it means the baby is healthy and growing and that all of this will get me just that, a baby. And when I realize that and focus on that, it becomes ok.

Now that I've hit my second trimester, it's going to ease up and go away anyway, right? RIGHT?! ;)

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