a heartbeat

Last night, Uriah found Stephen's stethoscope hanging out of his backpack and dubbed it his new favorite toy. He drug it all over the living room, long as he is tall. He eventually started handing it to Stephen, I think confused as to what this toy was supposed to do. So, Stephen would put it in his ears and listen to Uriah's heartbeat. Uriah was so curious and amused - he stood so quiet and patient while Stephen held it up to his chest. Uriah would ask for it back, walk around with it, fumble with it in his hands, then hand it back to Stephen so he could listen to his heartbeat again. Now, I find any interaction between my two boys to be heart melting, cheek bone hurting, uterus pounding, but this one especially. And I don't know why watching this got me all worked up and twitter-pated inside. Maybe because Stephen's going to be an official doctor so soon and this journey has been both so hard and so rewarding - or maybe because I was picturing Uriah growing up to be a doctor like his daddy and I was already beaming with pride. But I just sat there in the background, watching my boys interact with each other, the same interactions over and over again. It was so simple, but so wonderful. You mommas, I'm sure, understand. After a few minutes of that, Uriah brought the stethoscope over to me and held it out so I would take it and listen to his heartbeat, which I did. And I immediately bursted into tears. I wasn't even thinking about it, I wasn't expecting it, but I just couldn't stop crying! It all hit me so fast that the last time I had heard his heartbeat was when he was in my belly, the day he was born... And now he's standing in front of me, so handsome and sweet and big! I just melted into a puddle on the floor. When did he get so big? So smart? So outrageously cute?! It was part sadness, part pure joy. And I spent the rest of the night in awe of my son and my beautiful life and my God that has blessed me with so much. It was just a stethoscope, it was just a heartbeat... But I am so very grateful that that heartbeat is beating, loud and strong, in my sweet baby boy.

Also, and completely unrelated, I just cleaned out, added and organized my Pinterest boards. It was a total waste of nap time, but for some reason I feel like I just organized all my thoughts - put them in their own file, labeled them, and closed the file cabinet. Odd, but it was sort of refreshing.