a heartbeat

Last night, Uriah found Stephen's stethoscope hanging out of his backpack and dubbed it his new favorite toy. He drug it all over the living room, long as he is tall. He eventually started handing it to Stephen, I think confused as to what this toy was supposed to do. So, Stephen would put it in his ears and listen to Uriah's heartbeat. Uriah was so curious and amused - he stood so quiet and patient while Stephen held it up to his chest. Uriah would ask for it back, walk around with it, fumble with it in his hands, then hand it back to Stephen so he could listen to his heartbeat again. Now, I find any interaction between my two boys to be heart melting, cheek bone hurting, uterus pounding, but this one especially. And I don't know why watching this got me all worked up and twitter-pated inside. Maybe because Stephen's going to be an official doctor so soon and this journey has been both so hard and so rewarding - or maybe because I was picturing Uriah growing up to be a doctor like his daddy and I was already beaming with pride. But I just sat there in the background, watching my boys interact with each other, the same interactions over and over again. It was so simple, but so wonderful. You mommas, I'm sure, understand. After a few minutes of that, Uriah brought the stethoscope over to me and held it out so I would take it and listen to his heartbeat, which I did. And I immediately bursted into tears. I wasn't even thinking about it, I wasn't expecting it, but I just couldn't stop crying! It all hit me so fast that the last time I had heard his heartbeat was when he was in my belly, the day he was born... And now he's standing in front of me, so handsome and sweet and big! I just melted into a puddle on the floor. When did he get so big? So smart? So outrageously cute?! It was part sadness, part pure joy. And I spent the rest of the night in awe of my son and my beautiful life and my God that has blessed me with so much. It was just a stethoscope, it was just a heartbeat... But I am so very grateful that that heartbeat is beating, loud and strong, in my sweet baby boy.

Also, and completely unrelated, I just cleaned out, added and organized my Pinterest boards. It was a total waste of nap time, but for some reason I feel like I just organized all my thoughts - put them in their own file, labeled them, and closed the file cabinet. Odd, but it was sort of refreshing.

plans

We're making plans over here! Stephen doesn't get a summer break this year (or ever again!) but he does get four weeks off for the month of March! Each rotation in third year is six weeks long, including their elective rotation, in which they get to choose a two or four week rotation in the field of their choice. We were hoping for a two week one in Boise, so we wouldn't have to travel and would then get four weeks off... Well, we got half our wish! Stephen did get into a two week rotation at the beginning of the six week rotation (is this even making sense?!) but there were none available in Boise. So! Next weekend we're driving down to Pocatello, so I can move in with my parents for two weeks and send Stephen off to Billings, Montana for two weeks of anesthesiology. I would love to go with him, but they don't offer family housing and I reeeeally doubt the other medical students he'll be living with will want a baby in their house interrupting their studying. It came at good timing, though. My mom just had knee surgery and my sister is most likely (slash hopefully) having her baby early, so I'll be around to help! Two weeks will be the longest we've been apart since we were dating long distance and the longest Stephen will ever have been away from Uriah, so it won't be easy. But! We have four weeks after to spend together, away from hospitals and books and studying! A whole month of Stephen?! I can't wait! 

After Pocatello/Montana we are driving over to Oregon. First, to spend some time in Corvallis with the Winder family (Uriah's God parents) and then to Portland to spend some time visiting our friends! Which will conclude our first week of March! We'll be back in Boise for a little over a week (maybe making a trip down to Pocatello if Ashley's sweet baby girl doesn't show up while I'm there before!) to spend time together, playing outside, exploring Boise... And then it's off to Alabama! Stephen's grandparents and aunt and uncle live in Alabama and we haven't seen them since I was first pregnant, in the summer of 2012. Stephen used to travel down there every year for his spring break during college, and I've been able to go twice, now! I'm so excited for them to all meet Uriah and to spend some time at their Florida condo! Sunshine, warm weather, the ocean, amazing company... I can't wait to experience it all through Uriah's eyes this time! We get back just before Stephen's birthday and will have a few days here to unwind and celebrate before he starts his next rotation at the start of April. 

It's going to be a busy month, but we're so excited to get to see so many of our family and friends! I'm praying that Uriah handles the traveling like a champ and his sleep schedule isn't thrown off too much (we just got him sleeping through the night!) We shall see! 

And now for some completely unrelated pictures we took while playing outside the week of Uriah's birthday...

^^ So I know this probably doesn't melt your heart, but man does this sight get my cheek bones hurting! (and my uterus pounding!) ^^ 

^^ Uriah was not amused. ^^

^^ Jessica Adelman would shoot me for all the fashion don'ts I am wearing - horizontal stripes, brown and black and navy blue. Oops! ^^ 

a birthday party

On Saturday, Stephen and I threw Uriah his first birthday party! While, let's be honest, it was really more for the adults, he enjoyed playing with his friends and new toys, and I love that he'll have these pictures to look back on! My parents, sister, brother-in-law and niece drove up from Pocatello (which we were so incredibly grateful for!) and our friends, old and new, came over to help celebrate our little man! All week Uriah had been spoiled with cards and gifts and phone calls, this celebration was the perfect way to end year one and kick start the next! 

^^ Carrot cake, our favorite! Our wedding cake was carrot! 

Also, homemade. As I'm sure you can tell ;) ^^

^^ Also homemade, carrot cake cupcakes for the guests! ^^

^^ The longer it gets, the curlier it gets! I'm hoping for some serious ringlets! ^^

^^ Our most perfect, handsome birthday king ^^

^^ Yes, he hated it! Too much pressure with everyone watching, I think. He was ok with the blueberries, but wasn't interested in touching the frosting, and when we put his hand in it for him, he lost it! Once we were holding him and some of the pressure was off, he did actually like the cake, though! ^^

^^ Thief! ;) ^^

^^ My new friend Bria and her sweetest Vivian! These two are going to be Valentines! ^^

^^ Dallin and Whitney were our friends in Anchorage, before Kate and Uriah came along! We moved down to Seattle together and then here to Boise (literally together, sharing a Uhaul with our babes next to each other in the back seat!) We have loved getting to share this medical school, new parent phase with them! ^^

^^ And the post party, hotel party - pizza, swimming and Harper teaching Uriah to jump on the bed! Love watching these two together! ^^

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There is so much anticipation built up around a child's first year of life, and rightfully so. Their first words and their first steps and their first...everything! But now it's over. I'm not a "new" mom anymore, my baby, while still very much my baby, is looking and acting more like a toddler. It's so sad, but yet, so, so happy and exciting - It went by so fast, yet so slow, too. How is that?

Looking through pictures of Uriah's birth and then all my snapshots up until now, I was thinking how badly I want to do it all over again. How I would hold him longer, kiss him more, slow down a little, cherish the long nights and fussy teething stages, because even on those long hard days, he's still my baby and won't be my baby for long. People tell you to do that, people tell you it goes by far too quickly, but I just sort of waved it off and thought, "I got this, I know what I'm doing. I need to take a shower and get the dishes done, I won't regret letting him nap in his crib instead of holding him." But he doesn't nap in my arms any more, and I miss that... While having another baby (wanting one now, more than ever) will give me the chance to do it all over again, it will never be Uriah again. It'll be the same, but it won't be the same at all. And while I understand the excitement and anticipation that is built up for a child's first year, I don't want that to go away just because January 31st came and went. This was a big day, an important day, this was my child's first birthday. But tomorrow, he will be one and four days. He will be older and maybe a little bigger. Tomorrow he could say a new word, start sleeping through his 5 am feeding, learn to sign "eat", or crawl down the stairs. Tomorrow is just as important as yesterday, as today. This child, my Uriah, is a gift from God, and I am going to treat him and his life just so, like a gift. Like the gift I prayed and waited and hoped for. The gift I worried and cried over. Uriah's whole life is a first birthday to me, new and fun and special and just for him.