Sacramento or bust!

I've been avoiding this post for awhile now. It would certainly be easier to skip over it. But easier doesn't always mean good, or better. These people, this chapter in our lives, deserves to be recognized and remembered. Even if the words will never be enough. 

When we moved to Palo Alto, I was miserable. Not a first, but it didn't take long. I felt blindsided by Stephen's new residency schedule: 80, 100, 120 hour weeks. We had no family, no friends, no acquaintances or even connections. Uriah, who has always been a bit challenging for me, was rocked by the change. He left me depleted. Stephen and I were exhausted and had nothing left at the end of the day to give to each other. I nursed Ezra all through the night, Googling "postpartum depression" on my phone. There were good days, absolutely, but mostly, it felt like we were walking along the valley floor and for months I searched for the path up to the mountain peak. 

Eventually, we found it. (And by "eventually" I mean almost a year later) I can see now that God was at work during that time. At work in me, our marriage, our family... He was also at work in our community, preparing it for us. And at just the right time, His time, we made friends. And at some point, it's hard to say when, those friends became our family. That's what happens in the Bay Area. For the most part, everyone is a transplant: they're not from there, they're put there. And just like us, they have no family and no friends. You have each other. The reliance forms quickly, out of necessity, yes, but for us, it was also organic. It started with our kids, then with us and after some time, our husbands. How rare, and how wonderful! 

I have never, amongst friends, felt more seen, more loved, more accepted or more understood. These women inspired me to be a more loving wife, a more intentional mother and a more devoted daughter of Christ. 

Our last two years in Palo Alto were unlike anything I had experienced before, or will experience again. I don't think I knew just how unique it was until we moved and I realized how impossible it would be to recreate. All of our friends were truly people I enjoyed, loved and could learn from. They all attended our church and shared our love of Jesus. They all had three kids, they all had oldest boys and just one girl. They all home-schooled. They all had hard-working husbands with time consuming careers. They all lived close by. There was so much overlap! Oh and it was such a joy to share it all! 

They were there for the celebrations and joys, truly living out the word to rejoice while others rejoice. They were there when Stephen worked late, worked weekends and worked from Africa! They were there through the pitfalls and hard times, pregnancy and loneliness. Maybe most importantly, they were there for my kids. They played, read, fed, parented and genuinely loved my kids according to their love languages. That alone I will treasure them for. 

I hate to think that I was not the friend to them, that they were to me. I was in such a time of need and grace, I think I too often forgot to give. Despite my selfishness, I hope they know how much their friendship meant to me then, and still means to me now. They are the reason this goodbye was so hard. They are the reason I drove the road to Sacramento with blurry eyes and tear stained cheeks. They are the reason I will look back on our residency chapter with both fondness and sadness. I will miss them and I will miss what we created. Our little Stanford family. 

 On Stephen's last weekend off before starting nights and moving, they threw us a going away party at our favorite Stanford fountain, allowing Stephen to check off his final bucket list item: beer pong! It was an afternoon full of treats, games, babies, laughter and talking. We are so grateful that our friends made this happen for us! We sure felt the love! 

We weren't the only ones moving - our dear friends headed off to Texas the week before we left for Sacramento. Our final goodbyes were at the sandpit with a picnic dinner - a pretty common activity for this crew! The Yarboroughs were our first friends in Palo Alto and I'll never get over our similarities: boys, born five days apart, beautiful blonde girls and another set of boys, born six days apart! Of all their friends, my kids ask about Haven most of all! Gosh, we love that family! 

I had to pack up our house by myself, during the night while Stephen was at work and our kids were sleeping. It was no easy task! I absolutely could not have done it without the help of our friends. Ally took my bigs for an entire day so I could pack while Stephen slept during the day (without kid's screams and cries interrupting his sleep!) When friends come alongside you to love your kids as their own... there is nothing more sweet or more treasured. 

More sweet friends, final adventures and final goodbyes... 

And then it was time... And for this family, an expansion of our own family, there really are no words. 

And now, here we are! Not as miserable as I was as we faced our last move, but I have no doubt that is greatly in part due to the support I have from our friends in Palo Alto. We were loved then and their love has traveled with us here. 

month eight

Size: Judah is wearing 6-9/6-12 month clothes and size 4 diapers. It's taken him awhile but he's finally adding some chub to that length! He's got some yummy thighs, a few extra creases in his arms and a good double chin! He takes up much more of my lap these days than I can emotionally accept! 

Eat: Homeboy loves to eat! Judah's eating solids usually 2 times a day and nursing about 5 times. He has loved everything we've give him (typically fruits for lunch and vegetables for dinner) and would continue eating forever and ever if I didn't cut him off! His belly is a bottomless pit! 

Teeth: Two teeth on bottom and two teeth on top! His top two teeth have been taking their sweet time to come in (poor boy!) so while they've broken skin, they still have a ways to go. He's got one more on top just about to pop through and possibly one or two on the bottom but it's hard to tell. He's constantly drooling and chomping on his fingers and has the occasional extra fussy day - month 8 was the hardest with Uriah for teething reasons and I think his baby brother might be following in his footsteps! 

Sleep: Since moving, Judah's schedule has been a little off. For the most part, he still sleeps through the night, but new sounds in a new room with a few new teeth and it's not uncommon for him to wake up once during the night. He still goes down around 7 but depending on how the night goes he's either nursing around 5, usually going back to sleep until 7, or sleeping until 6-7. We're early risers in this house so I don't mind the early wake up call (or the extra snuggles!) He takes 2-3 naps a day and is perfectly content to nap on the go if need be, or stretch his awake time so his nap lines up with Ezra's.

Milestones: Crawling like mad, pulling himself up to stand (on everything!) and now scooting along the furniture. Slowly, but the kid is anxious to get places! He's got two older siblings to keep up with...! He tries, mostly unsuccessfully, to put small pieces of food in his mouth. He tries to clap and show us how big he is when we ask "how big is Judah?!" by stretching out his arms. He will hold little "conversations" with us, too, "ah"ing back and forth perfectly timed! 

Likes: Judah loves his brother and sister! He is constantly following them around, watching them, listening to them... He loves when they chase him around the house and play peek-a-boo with him! He loves splashing in the water, pool or bathtub!, being outside, eating!, being worn in the Ergo or ring sling and all of his siblings' toys. He loves his blankey (and knows it means sleep time!), his binki, nursing, kiss attacks and tickles. He loves the song "Kung Foo Fighting" and will get wide eyed at the name of it and start dancing to the intro every time! 

Dislikes: Judah doesn't like it when his food runs out! Ha! He can be pretty easily distracted but do not put him in that highchair unless his food is ready to go and take him out of it the second he's done! If he thinks there's a possibility he will be eating, he can think of nothing else! 

Things I want to remember: The way he headbutts any part of my body when he's sleeping, signally he's ready to snuggle. The way he lays his head on my shoulder when I throw his blankey over my shoulder and point to his crib. His long hair that refuses to be styled in any way other than a comb over. The way he offsets his jaw. His "ah" conversations. His belly laugh when you tickle the nape of his neck. His soft, soft skin. The joy he radiates when he's put in water. 

Gosh, eight months...!? Judah Budah, you are such a joy. You're so damn cute and sweet and you have fit into our family so effortlessly. I cannot believe how big you are getting so fast...! Time is really flying with you... My sweet, sweet baby boy - we love you! 

June

^^ Celebrating Dr. Wall and the end of residency with a program wide dinner. More than one person approached me at the end of the evening to tell me that while Stephen is an amazing physician with an impeccable bedside manner, he is clearly, first and foremost a husband and a father. What a compliment...! It was fun to watch him be recognized and spend a final evening with his co-workers! ^^

^^ The Winders planned a trip to Bolinas to visit and stay with Steff's sister and a two hour drive north was not going to stop us from getting in our hugs...! It was so great to spend the afternoon with such an uplifting family! I loved watching the kids play together on the beach (the boys are so good with Uriah and Ezra (and were younger than them when we first met them...! Which really blows my mind!!)) They all got to meet Judah for the first time and we got to talk over a delicious brunch on Em's beautiful property. ^^

^^ We decided to extend our day of adventure and stopped at Baker Beach on our way home for a picnic dinner. Little did we know...Baker Beach is clothing optional...! Ahh! It was very comical and we still reference it with wide eyes and laughs. The kids didn't pick up on it at all (which I don't know if that's a good thing or not...?!) but Stephen and I sure couldn't believe what we had stumbled into. That's what we get for being spontaneous...?! Haha! I've always wanted to go though, even if just for the view and picture of the bridge, so I was happy to check it off our bucket list before leaving the Bay Area! ^^

^^ THREE babies in my bed! Someone pinch me! ^^

^^ Our final family trip to Moss Beach! We went to the beach about every week when we first moved to Palo Alto and we quickly fell in love with this one - sand, crabs, shells and seals! The day did not disappoint and it was as close to perfect as it gets. We finished it off with dinner at Tres Amigos, of course! "Bye beach!" ^^

^^ A stage five clinger and a tired, happy mom with a mom bun. Sounds about right. ^^

^^ Oh Judah just being cute, no big deal...! (cue the heart eyes!) ^^

^^ Three babies in my bed AGAIN! Definitely a favorite way to start my day! ^^

^^ Our last walk to campus for a picnic lunch in the oval. June was full of "lasts" and this is another one I'll miss - living across the street from Stanford's beautiful campus! We probably didn't take advantage of it enough but it was great to live so close to so much history, beauty and play space! ^^

^^ June brought us Ozzy! I was driving the car when my mom sent a picture letting me know he was here (I had been texting her on and off all night/day knowing he was on his way!). I had to swerve off the road to look at his sweet face and wipe my tears away and Uriah immediately asked for more pictures! He is loved! ^^

^^ Another last - morning walk to Tootsies for nutella croissants! This very quickly became a "daddy and Ezra" date activity, but they were kind enough to let the rest of us join just this once ;) ^^

^^ The kids and I were able to make it to the beach one last time before officially moving away and carrying my babies down the beach combing for shells and treasures was my very favorite part! ^^

^^ Stephen, unfortunately, finished residency working nights, but that just meant more snuggles from these two and their big brother for me! ^^

^^ Evenings pool side! A regular spring/summer/fall activity for us and I'm really going to miss having this in our backyard! We'd throw the kids in the bath afterward while I whipped up dinner and then we'd put them in bed early, tired from swimming. It was a win for everyone! ^^

^^ Couldn't leave town without meeting baby Axel! When Colleen told me she was pregnant (and practically jumped out of a moving car to do so...!) I was worried that he would be born after we moved! He made his debut just in time, though, and the kids and I snuck to the hospital for some quick hugs and kisses in-between packing boxes and cleaning house. ^^

^^ Our last "last": our final Sunday at church! The community we met through Grace and the conviction and knowledge we walked away from the sermons with is unparalleled. We are so grateful to have called it home for the last three years! ^^