thirty-four

How far along are you?: 34 weeks to the day! Three weeks until full term?! Three weeks until I carry her as long as I carried Uriah?! 

Baby is: 5 pounds and possibly up to 20 inches long! And, as the doctor said today, running out of room! 

Movement: all. the. time! I'm convinced she never sleeps, which I'm hoping isn't a sign of what's to come ;) She's always on my left side with her knees jabbing my right and her feet tucked under my ribs. You better be comfortable, sweet girl, because mommy is not! 

Total weight gain/loss: I've gained 24 pounds since my pre-pregnancy starting weight, officially one more pound than I gained during my pregnancy with Uriah, but I started at a higher pre-pregnancy weight with him. 

Maternity clothes?: and now Stephen's sweatshirts. I made it past winter coat season just in time to bust out of it as spring slowly starts here in Boise and is no longer necessary. Thanks for the cozies, Stephen! 

Belly button in or out?: so far out it's pretty much flat! I used to have the cutest belly button (is that weird?) and then Uriah (and my pregnancy caused umbilical hernia) ruined it (thanks!). It's now stretched inside out as far as I'm convinced it can go and is discolored and bruising. Awesome. The doctor said today there is no padding between this babe and my skin and she had awfully big eyes when she first saw my belly button. It's not a pretty sight. 

Stretch marks?: I'm still sporting the ones Uriah gave me above and below my belly button, and they're coming back with a vengeance!, but I don't think there are any new ones there, nor do I have any on my sides, still, but my last ones didn't show up until I was 36 weeks pregnant (a week before he was born, really?!) so there's still time, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed! 

Obsessing over: the fact that my baby could be coming next month...?!! Uriah was an early baby, which means it's not entirely out of the question to have another early baby which means she could be coming in three weeks! In four weeks! A month! NEXT MONTH! 

Sleep: or lack there of. I've always read insomnia is a late third trimester symptom, but I don't remember this with Uriah. Yes, I was always up going to the bathroom, but I fell asleep fast and didn't wake for hours in the middle of the night just to twiddle my thumbs. Lately I've been waking up around 4 am just laying in bed waiting for Stephen's alarm to go off at 6. 

Favorite moment this week: I got out Uriah's old car seat to clean and install (a little premature, I know, but if I save everything on my list for the last couple weeks I'm going to be on overload!) and Uriah insisted on sitting in it (which broke my heart to see how much he's grown!). He was curious about the car seat so I told him that it used to be his but he got too big so now it was going to be baby Ezra's when she gets here and Uriah gets to use his big boy car seat in mommy's car. Well, he is really into repeating things - explaining things, talking things out and telling stories, so listening to him repeat that back to me over and over again in his sweet little voice with his head tilt and nod and hand gestures... It was just too much! I feel like he's really starting to understand the whole "a baby is coming" concept and seeing things of hers and getting to touch them, play with them, help me with them and talk about them is really helping that sink in for him. He always asks to touch my belly and to "see baby" and says that he's going to hug her and kiss her and be soft with her and play with her. It's all just so sweet and exciting and surreal - am I really going to have two kids?! And two car seats?! 

Feeling: all the braxton hicks contractions and cramping and back pain! Right around 29 weeks it all started coming on. I remember a specific walk back home from the gym with Uriah and Stephen  (actually, it was after I took a fall in the locker room. It was a decent fall, enough to scab up and now scar my arm as I tried to catch myself on the way down, but I called the on-call doctor who rudely told me not to worry about it, so I didn't) contracting and cramping with every step. It's just progressively gotten worse since then. Sometimes I can't even feel the contraction, I can just notice my belly getting tighter out of the corner of my eye or I'll happen to rub it while it's hard as a rock, but other times they come on like the real thing, starting in my back and wrapping around my sides and bringing me to my knees trying to focus on breathing through it. They are most often brought on by a change in position or by walking, but just as many have come and gone as I'm sitting or laying down and a few have been intense enough to wake me up in the middle of the night. Still, I wouldn't describe them as painful, mostly just uncomfortable. And the cramping, too. Like, my very worst day of period cramps. They usually start after a contraction and hang around for a minute or two. I know all this is within the realm of normal for pregnancy, but it's all so different from the first time around I've been a little paranoid about it. After talking with my doctor today she said the same thing, it seems normal considering most women contract more in their second pregnancy, but that she'd like to check my progress at my next appointment. So, we'll see! 

Working on: nesting! Washing clothes, blankets, car seats, the car... Organizing all the closets and cabinets... Making lists of things to do and buy... I'm trying to do just one little thing a day to keep me from going overboard (you guys, I ironed our shower curtain when I was pregnant with Uriah!). She doesn't get a room of her own, or even a spot in Uriah's room, because we'll be moving when she's two months old and it just didn't make sense - she'll be in our room until then, anyway - and I feel like I'm not ready for her because there's nothing you can really see for her, if that makes sense. So I'm just trying to do little things that keep me excited and keep reminding me she really is coming, even if she doesn't have a sweet little room of her own to be working on. 

Thinking about: how it's all going to go down. Like, will my water break this time around? Will I go into the hospital in the middle of the night? Who will watch Uriah until my dad can get to town? Will my parents be able to make it in time before she comes? How long will I be in labor for? Will I have to get induced again? Will she be early like her brother? Thinking all the questions!

Anticipating: some postpartum depression, though not at all hoping for it. I've been anxious these last few weeks. It has gotten so much better since we've been back from Seattle, but for awhile there I was just anxious - not nervous, not excited - anxious. I think it had a lot to do with being away from home for so long and not being able to nest and prepare, but I struggled quite a bit with being happy and excited about this pregnancy and I just worried all the time and was truthfully, a little depressed. I never found myself down at all during Uriah's pregnancy, so it was hard for me to grasp and I felt guilty, like my baby girl was going to know and think she was unloved or unwanted. So even though it's getting better and now mostly I just feel happy that this pregnancy is winding down and I get to meet my baby girl so soon, I'm prepared for some post baby blues. This pregnancy has just been so hard on me emotionally - I've been on an absolute roller coaster! (my poor husband) - so it wouldn't surprise me if all these crazy emotions stuck around for awhile after she's here. Any and all advice on the subject would be greatly anticipated! 

Currently craving: still - cereal, Coke (preferably on ice and preferably with a straw), turkey sandwiches, thinly sliced green apples and peanut butter, occasionally bananas and carrots (which aren't normally foods I reach for) and chocolate (preferably in the form of a brownie or cookie - plain 'ol chocolate chips aren't doing it for me this time around). 

Anything make you sick or queasy?: the smell of salsa, still, but much less so than before, and occasionally baby girl's movements. She feels like she's right up next to my skin and is taking up every square inch of my belly, so I can feel every single one of her moves so well! Which is wonderful and fun but painful! There have been a handful of times where I thought I was going to throw up (and one time I even reached for a plastic bag in my diaper bag because I didn't think I would make it to the bathroom!) when she really gets moving and digs a knee into my stomach. 

Wishing: I could truly prepare Uriah for what's to come. I keep picturing leaving him at home to go to the hospital and returning with a new baby... We are going to rock his world. And eventually it will be a good change for him - eventually they will play together and he'll be so happy to have a sidekick following him around thinking he's just the bees knees. But at first she's just going to steal my time and attention and everyone else's attention and that's going to be a hard adjustment and he's rightfully going to think it's annoying and I just feel bad... He has no idea what's coming... 

What are you most looking forward to?: bringing baby home. I know I just said I'm nervous about it, for Uriah's sake, but I remember getting to come home with Uriah and how it all just felt so much better and so right and I'm so looking forward to that comfort and starting our lives as a family of four and putting her to sleep in the rocker next to my bed and nursing her on the couch as Uriah plays... I'm looking forward to starting this adventure.